SUPPOSE WE TURN THAT WINDOWS MESSAGE INTO A CONVERSATION between me and Windows. Earlier this morning…
Me: (Taps spacebar, preparing to log in for a quick FB check)
Me: Oh crap. What have you done now?
Win: “We’ve updated your PC”
Me: I can’t wait. No, literally, I only have a couple minutes here. Can we get to the desktop please?
Win: “All your files are exactly where you left them”
Me: Thank heaven for small favors. Were you even thinking of messing with my files?
*Three minutes go by – and this is a really fast computer*
Win: “We’ve got some new features to get excited about”
Me: Maybe you’re excited about them. What did you move around to make room on my screen for the new crap?
*Two more minutes go by*
Win: “Let’s get started”
Me: Yes, let’s. By all means.
Windows: “Updates were installed”
Me: Oh, goody. Is this update going to brick my computer like last time, right before a conference, so I had to spend hours fixing it?
(Clicks on Chrome browser)
Windows: “How do you want to open this?” (Microsoft Edge browser pre-selected)
Me: HOW ABOUT BY STARTING THE GODDAMN CHROME BROWSER? THAT’S THE ICON I F*ING CLICKED ON!!!
Chrome: “Chrome is not your default browser. To get the best experience…”
This happens every time Microsoft decides to dink around with my computer. When some piss-ant malware company hijacks your browser, we load up Malwarebytes and nuke it. But professionally, I have to use Windows, or I would have burned this machine down and rebuilt it in Linux long ago. The very least M$ could do is assume that if I went to the trouble to download a different web browser, and set it as default instead of their browser, that was how I wanted my machine to be.
So then I write a blog post about it, and go to edit a photo for the header. Only to find that Windows has switched the default handler for .jpg files from XnView to their crappy picture viewer.
It’s gonna be a long day.